Secret women's business

Oh my wordie lordie yes! My period is back! This is, I think, the best news I have had since finishing chemo.

Before I started chemo, my husband and I went through an agonising few weeks thinking about chemo and it's implications. We had always wanted more than one child, so our family was, (in medical terms) incomplete. The doctors were strongly recommending chemo, but of course they couldn't force me to have it. Ultimately it was my choice.

If you have chemotherapy at my age, there is a 40% chance that you will end up infertile afterwards. 40%. That's really high. If you have Zoladex injections (which I did have), then this is lowered to about 25%. That's still very high.

Ever since I finished chemo, the fertility topic has become "taboo". My husband and I tried not to talk about it, not to think about it, the mothers didn't ask. Fathers stayed positively oblivious. I was left to stew about it by myself. Of course, I know the power of positive thinking. So, I tried not to stew. I tried to think positive. I tried to imagine that this day would come. But still, you have moments when you stew.

So, now that I am staring at ... well, never mind what I am staring at. Now that my period is back, I am absolutely over the moon. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel I am on the home stretch. Green fields of fertility are stretching out lazily in front of me. Life pumps in my veins.

Whether we actually expand the family, or not, is irrelevant. That was always just half of the story. It's about avoiding osteoporosis (as a horse rider, that's quite important), it's about feeling good, it's about feeling young. It's about having the choice.