The Christmas turkey

I have decided to brave making a turkey for Christmas this year. I've taken my mum's advice and am doing legs and breasts, rather than the whole bird. As usual my mum gave some other advice, half of which I've forgotten, and half of which is unprecise and leaves me with a 1000 unanswered questions. In the meantime, the family keeps hanging around like bush flies, wondering when's lunch.

Eventually, for better or worse the bird is in the oven, and I prepare veggies while basting religously every 20 minutes. The basting causes me grief. Every time I open the oven, pull the foil off, and baste, the oven loses temperature. The good housewife probably does it with such speed that it doesn't matter. Not so me. And so I worry whether to increase the temperature to compensate for my clumsiness.

We set a festive table, white tablecloth, fine china, silverware, napkins, candles and bon bons. Out come the turkey, potatoes, veggies and salad. The taste test ... it's edible, but you just about need a steak knife to carve it! Total failure. Although Sabina manages to put most of the leg away with relative ease. Pete munches on the dry meat in silence, fastidiously avoiding the stuffing, and supplementing with lots of cranberry sauce. The stuffing is the only part that's delicious!

Opening presents, and dessert make up for lost ground.